i can't stay..here in heaven.
i'm saying goodbye to this journal.i have no reason to write in it anymore.i have so much shit going on in my life,and it's all slowly coming to an end.i've been through so much,and i really have lost all feeling to almost evertyhing.i found love once again,and i wouldn't change it for the world.but it's time to let go of this thing.goodbye./Jess/

i don't have much to say in here anymore./Jess/

love is the religion of the weak

just call me,Miss.Understood.

i can be myself.it's alright.
you make me wanna scream.i guess promises are just better left un-said.

everyone is just so fucking vain.
you see,you don't keep your "best friend" haning.you dont tell them STUPID FUCKING exuses.you don't say "I wanna stop being your best friend,and just be friends because i feel different".let me tell you something,i don't consider ANYONE,ANY-FUCKING ONE my "best friend",because i have been FUCKED OVER SO MANY FUCKING DAMN TIMES.if you thought you knew me,you were fucking wrong.you know nothing.see this is why i have such a hard time trusting people.fuck you,and thank you for fucking me over.I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,'CAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME.BEST FRIENDS MEANS I PULLED THE MOTHERFUCKING TRIGGER./Jess/

going to P.A with jay jay,it's going to be so funnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!/Jess/

and in the moment,i am happy.
things are starting to make sense..it's all coming together now..buh bye!/Jess/

waiting for sarah to come over.
How many special people change?. How many lives are living strange?. Where were you while we were getting high?, Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball . Where were you while we were getting high?. Someday you will find me , Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova in the sky . Someday you will find me , Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova .

you can't run away from yourself.
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased, Are you happy now?

in my shell,i wait and bleed.

i remember stormy weather
after talking to melissa for alittle,i can say i feel somewhat better.thank you<3.i want ashlee simpsons new cd,and i shall have it.end transmission./Jess/

run away,run away.
sorry for my lack of updating.haven't had much to say.i don't know what to write here.i've given up on certain people.i obviously wasn't important enough to them.it's okay.things aren't getting any better.i really don't know what to say./Jess/

smoothie
just shut up,and pass the ketchup.oh how i love 7th heaven./Jess/

'cause its better then nothing.
I'm not o-fucking-kay./Jess/

no one comes near.
i don't care anymore./Jess/

you'll be sorry when i'm gone.

and that doesn't hurt badly....but it stings right here.
abidel texted messaged me yesterday saying,"i feel gay..call me at 11".i didn't call him.but i did today,and of course he trys to change the subject.so i said "dude you need to get your shit straight because your making no sense.",and he says "it has to do with you".and i said "okay are you going to tell me?".and hes like "can you hang out today?",and i said "no".to be honest i don't want to hang out with him.he said hes gonna call me later,but i don't care.i don't like him anymore.hes an asshole,and god have mercy for the girl or man he marrys.i hate men.lately i've been feeling so out of it.i miss monica so much.she never calls me anymore,and i feel like shes just forgot about me.best friends?.i've been questioning that for some time.i miss my mom so much.i keep having these messed up dreams.i really need someone to talk to right now.sigh.i'm fucking breaking down.i don't know whats going on anymore.i want to go to sleep and never wake up again.no one would notice.because no one notices me in the first place.i can't recall myself,how i went down.,did i get shot..or shoot myself?.and i won't pretend theres nothing there.you'll be around,and i'll bve square.don't be alarmed if i'm not there.you'll be around..and i'll be square.

did i get shot,or shoot myself?
/Jess/

salvation only comes in our dreams.
i belived your promises.your promises and lies./Jess/

"Best Friends",mean I pulled the trigger./Jess/

...i feel like i've been forgotten./Jess/

i saw spiderman 2 today.i'm happy MJ and peter finally made shit official.it's about time!*dave chapelles voice*,wwwhhhaaaatt?.ahaha.btw,happy fourth everyone.tho it feels like just a regular day to me.anyways,i think i'm gonna start cleaning up my shit hole of a room./Jess/

&today i woke up feeling different.
sorry for the neglect.i've been kinda out of it for the past few days.but i've got my head back in gear and i'm better now.yesterday i did alot of thinking about how so much stuff has gone on in the past couple of months.and i was letting alot of it get the best of me.i was carrying it all like dead weight,and the only way to make it better is to.....just let go..and as soon as you do,the better off you are.life is crazy,one day can be blissful,then the next day it can all turn into shit.and i'm done playing games with people.i'm not mentioning any names.i'm not going to try and reach out if the person isn't willing to do so back.i don't care anymore.i have so much shit on my plate as it is,that when i stop myself and think about it all..it's all bullshit.it seriously is.i was so immature and foolish with my actions.and i can see that i have changed.i feel hardly anything anymore,because i've been fucked over by "people" so many times.but it's made me open up my eyes to the world,and it's people.things are going to change and this time i mean it.i don't know how long,or how random my posts are.i'm just venting.

terrible lie.
i tried..........................i gave up.

boo./Jess/

so yeah,i'm on my new computer./Jess/

i've grown tired of this place.

I am captivated I am... Vindicated I am selfish, I am wrong I am right, I swear I'm right Swear I knew it all along And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now The things you swore you saw yourself

and it's one more day in paradise.
so today really didn't go as planned.but i'm okay now..at eight my dads gonna pick me up to see my mom.then we're gonna go to chillies.*fat bastards voice*,chillllllleeeeees baby back ribs.heh yeah.anyways,bye.punky hardcore eehh

Who should your boyfriend be like?/Jess/

i'm okay.

.....whatever happend to just being yourself?.

now i know,i can't forget you girrrllll
today was alright.didn't do much.i'm not going to keep on waiting to see what happens with abidel.fuck it.lahooozahur,as the famous ace ventura says.haha.i'm out.kiss it./Jess/

.the harrison fest is this weekend.it should be like it always is.last year was okay.it rained alot.and with the abidel situation,i'm gonna wait.like christina applegate said in the movie "the sweetest thing";"don't look for mr.right,look for mr.right now".so maybe things will work out.yeah i got pissed off,but i'm over it.whatever will be will be.anyways,i'm rambiling.i watched how high,funny ass movie i tell you.and um,what else?my sunburn is still being a motherfucker.i went to target again today because yeah,i did.so i'm done.kiss the rings bitch,i'm out./Jess/

fuckin' a

so let me slip away

it's just a break down,it happens all the time.
sun burn sucks.god i hope things work out today.i'm tired of this feeling.

am i that obvious?
so yesterday was the final day of school.god time goes by so fast.i enjoyed the year tho...most of it anyways.

open your eyes.
...why should i care?being left out feels awesome.thanks.note sarcasm.

.....gee what a great day.note sarcasim.whatever.

i have my last final tommorow,and i'm sure i failed like everyone i took so whatever.i have about 9 days left of that hell hole.i feel like my friends don't want to be near me right now.i'm going threw alot and i could really use their support.sigh,oh well.who has time for me anyways.i've been so depressed lately,and yeah i've just been trying to close it off with a fake smile and laugh.i'm dieing on the inside.i need my mom.oh god i belive,please help me BELIVE./Jess/

something to explain how i've been feeling.."sooner or later",by switchfoot.DOWNLOAD IT!
Come back and haunt me Follow me home Give me a motive Swallow me whole They say I've lost it What could I know When I'm but a mockery? I'm so alone Sooner or later you'll find out There's a hole in the wall Today is ours Condemned to be free Free to keep breathing Free to believe I look to find you Down on my knees OH GOD I BELIVE, PLEASE HELP ME BELIVE Sooner or later they'll find out There's a hole in the wall Sooner or later you'll find out That you'll dream to be that small I'M A BELIVER,HELP ME BELIVE I gave it all away and lost who I am I threw it all away With everything to gain And I'm taking the leap With dreams of shrinking Yeah, dreams of shrinking COME BACK AND HAUNT ME Follow me home Give me a motive SWALLOW ME WHOLE SOONER OR LATER........./Jess

this is for YOU.
Leaving all the fights and all Summer’s getting colder Drive all night to hold you tight Back to California Days went by We waited and I guess we’re getting older We couldn’t win in the end You’re gone/Jess/

horray.
pink
you are fun and outgoing. no matter what you do, you find someway to have fun, even if that means breaking some rules. in your world fun is the most important thing.

What color are you?

lmao
Peep

Your a marshmallow peep! You look cute, but in truth, you are full of hate. Behind your beady chocolate eyes are a torrent of evil thoughts. You hate the world for biting off the soft marshmellow heads of your comrads. Most people think your inocent and sweet, but there are few who know zee truth behind your yellow and pink sugar coating.

What Kind of Candy Are You?- With Images!

counting stars again..
hi..sorry i haven't wrote in awhile..where to begin?wellll i got contacts yesterday!.their a pain in the ass to put in,but it's all good.my mom is doing pretty much the same.sigh,shes not gonna be home for awhile :/..theres about two weeks left of school,and i CANNOT FUCKING WAIT to get the hell out of that shit hole.i have finals next week which sucks,but all i can do is the best i can do.today i'm gonna try and call derek<3..um what else?i'm getting a new computer soon.my dad and i are going to comp U.S.A tommorow.yay.anyways i'm out.

I'm suffocating

random shit,yes indeed .
so it's getting alittle hotter outside every day.wonderful.right.anyways,my mommy is getting better every day.she responds,and it makes me feel so happy to know shes getting better.i got less than a month till school ends.i cannot wait,butttt until then i got final exams and all that shit.joyus.i don't know what i'm doing today..maybe i'll go somewhere with my dad.i wanna see shrek 2..i got ao much shit coming up within in the next few weeks.laters./Jess/

Why am I fighting to live,if I'm just living to fight, Why am I trying to see,when there aint nothing inside, Why am I trying to give,when no one gives me a try, Why am I fighting to live,if I'm just living to fight?

yadda yadda yadda,i threw my lower back out.

Will there ever be time enough? Or are we just too naive? I haven't just given up. Oh God, I still believe. Is patience still waiting? Will I wait on my knees too? Are you laughing at us today? And is this just one big game? Now cash me in while you can. We never were the same. Come on. Will you ever have all you want? And are we just next in line? Don't throw out your one good chance. You only have this time./Jess/

come back and haunt me
i thought everything was starting to get better for my mother.sigh.she'll be in the hospital for over a month pretty soon.i'm not going into school tommorow,i can't deal with it all.oh god i belive,please help me BELIVE./Jess/

i heard about your trip.
honestly i thought you were totally erased from my mind.but i stand corrected.please,just get the fuck out.i don't need this,nor our memories that mean SHIT to me now.and i shall be forever bitter about you,and everything "we had"./Jess/

sooner or later.
sigh,i have been so fucking drained for the past few days.i figured i should update this thing ,sinch i've been negelecting it.my mother is in the hospital,and she is very,very sick.i haven't been to school in two days,because she is more important to me right now.i took my mother for granted so much.and i hope she can pull threw this.she is a fighter.i need my mother in my life,i love her more than anything.i'm not getting into details because i'm going to end up crying and i just can't deal with that right now.i'm going into school tommorow but only for the morning.i don't want my classmates and teachers to get the impression i'm only going to school because of six flags on friday.i could care less,but i'm not.family is first.endofstory.i don't understand how swtichfoot can be so amazing.heavenly.he is still hauting my mind.not as much as befor,and if you all know me well enough you know who i am talking about.anyways,i'm gonna finish drinking my green tea,then head off to the hosptial to see my mom<3.a big thank you goes out to all of my friends who are praying and supporting my mother.it's very very very very (etc) much appricitated.end transmission./Jess/

mom please make it.i need you.
How do I Get through one night without you If I had to live without you What kind of life would that be? Oh I, I need you in my arms Need you to hold Your my world my heart my soul If you ever leave Baby you would take away everything good in my Life. And tell me now How do I live without you I want to know How do I breathe without you If you ever go How do I ever, ever survive? How do I How do I Oh how do I live?. Without you There'd be no sun in my sky There would be no love in my life There would be no world left for me And I Baby I don't know what I would do I'd be lost if I lost you If you ever leave Baby you would take away everything real in My life And tell me now How do I live without you I want to know How do I breathe without you If you ever go How do I ever, ever survive? How do I How do I Oh how do I live?... If you ever leave Baby you would take away everything Need you with me Baby coz you know your everything good in My life And tell me now How do I live without you I want to know How do I breathe without you If you ever go How do I ever, ever survive? How do I How do I Oh how do I live How do I live without you How do I live without you baby.......

the bitter taste of happiness
who said that i wasn't right,i've lived for years with out a life./Jess/

It seems to me,that even love can die./Jess/

goodbye past,hello future./Jess/

I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank, But lean a little bit closer, See that roses really smell like boo-oo-ooo, Yeah, roses really smell like boo-oo-ooo./Jess/

where did my spring break go?!?!waaaaaaaa i don't wanna go back to school!/Jess/

life is only what you make it to be.
I gave it all away,and lost who I am , I threw it all away, With everything to gain, And I'm taking the leap, With dreams of shrinking, Yeah, dreams of shrinking./Jess/

Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy, we'll all float on alright./Jess/

Hi friends.I'm still feeling shitty,but I guess I should try and look on the bright side of things..Thats all I can really do anyways.I don't know how my spring break is going to turn out,due to the weather.I hope it's good.*crosses fingers*.Later days./Jess/

<< don't ask me who this dude is,because i have no clue.i just thought it looks cool./Jess/

i feel so empty inside.no more tears.a word to all of my friends,the first cut is the deepest./Jess/

Happy Easter all <3/Jess/

Hello friends,it's been a really really long time since I last wrote in here.As you can see I deleted the old entries.In with the new,out with the old I say.I'm not really sure where I should begin.I've been doing fine.I haven't been this content with my life for the longest time.I've gained and lost.But it's all made me that much more stronger.I've really grown as a person over the past few months.I've been listening to Hotel California non-stop.Fancy that.Lifes shown me a few hard knocks,but in the ends it's all going to pay off.And in someways it already has.I think thats enough for my first entry.I hope you all enjoy reading about my life and such.Night./Jess/